When I first heard about Bruiser, I was ecstatic. George A. Romero, legendary director of Night Of The Living Dead, directing a movie with a decently original plot about a killer with no face, PLUS a cameo appearance and performance by one of my all-time favorite bands, The Misfits?! It's like this movie was made specifically for me! What could possibly go wrong? Well, let's first examine the plot.
Henry is a nobody. He doesn't seem to fit in anywhere, he can't make any friends, and everyone at work seems to forget that he works there. Henry is a higher-up at a magazine called Bruiser (what? the movie had to get its name from somewhere!). We aren't told what kind of magazine Bruiser is, but it's assumed that it's a nudie mag since the only time we see the employees discussing the magazine, they're debating over which woman to use as their cover model, and two of those possible cover models appear later in the movie, buck naked and having sex with a random person. Awesome start, movie.
Think Steve Buscemi mixed with Corey Haim. *shudders*
Henry is a very wealthy person, with a supermodel wife, a fancy Mustang convertible, and a big estate in the country, but over the past 6 years, he's grown bored with his life of affluence and he is seriously considering killing himself because of how bland and forgettable of a person he is. Being such a bland person is the only thing Henry is self conscious about and he absolutely hates it. However, don't let his unfortunate situation fool you into thinking he's a good person. Henry is also very greedy. He let's a loss of a few thousand dollars pay due to back taxes or something (boo hoo) put him in a pouty mood for the rest of the day and he constantly lusts after his boss' wife, who happens to be a photographer for Bruiser. He begs his boss' wife to leave her husband and run away with him, but she says no and that makes little Henry all sad. Henry's boss is a sarcastic douchebag with a thick Persian accent who makes fun of every single situation he's in and doesn't seem to let anything get away from him without him making a snarky remark, even later in the movie when he witnesses a grizzly murder right before his eyes. Henry absolutely loathes his boss.
All this character development is making me tired. Let's move onto the plot development, shall we?
One day, Henry discovers that his wife has been having an affair with his boss behind his back and this revelation causes Henry to snap. He freaks out that night while his wife is out and the next morning, he wakes up to find that his face has been transformed into a blank, expressionless white mask.
Think Michael Myers mixed with that douchebag from Slipknot. *shudders*
It's never explained how Henry suddenly has this weird white mask for a face, but it somehow gives Henry the motivation needed to exact his revenge on those who have wronged him by going on a savage killing spree. The kills are very creative and Henry even does an action hero one liner before the final kill. When his last enemy dies, Henry's old face returns and he goes back to his bland, forgettable life, supposedly with a new outlook.
Gotta make sure your hair looks good, since people are definitely gonna notice that before your BLANK MASK FACE!
Well, that's Bruiser. Know how I said this review was gonna be a long one? Well, here's why. There are a ton of questions that need to be answered about this movie's plot. First and foremost, is the whole "new face" thing supposed to be teaching Henry a lesson? I feel like this situation is supposed to be a learning experience for Henry. I'm pretty sure he's supposed to be learning to accept and embrace his biggest flaw in order to better himself. However, that's just my opinion. I'm probably reading WAY too far into this plot. Okay, second question! You'd think that Henry would try to use his new blank face to kill his victims anonymously in an act of severe irony, right? Then why does he constantly announce who he is to everyone before he tries to kill them? Wait, I think I know the answer to that one. He wants them to know that he's not just a nobody. He wants them to know exactly who their killer is and he wants them to remember who he is while they're dying, right? Then, why is the mask face there?! If Henry wanted to kill these people, then he could've just killed them with his normal face! It's like they're trying to show that Henry is still holding onto his anonymous self, but that's not possible because he keeps telling everyone who he is!
Third and final nitpick! Throughout the movie, Henry adds paint to his blank face to symbolize that his greedy, evil, aggressive side is taking over his anonymous side, so by the end of the movie, his face is adorned with all sorts of red, yellow, and black marks. And then the climax happens. The climax takes place at a costume party and Henry goes there to kill his final victim, but he puts on a blank white mask over his already indistinguishable face! There is literally no point to this. Wait, I think I spoke too soon. There's a pretty neat Phantom Of The Opera shoutout when Henry is dressed in his white mask, a black cape, and a black hat, and he takes the boss' wife to a secluded part of the building, where he takes off his mask to talk to her.
OKAY! THAT'S ENOUGH NITPICKING ABOUT HOW I DON'T GET WHERE THIS MOVIE IS GOING!
Ernest Goes On A Killing Spree - Coming Soon to a Walmart near you!
Let's move onto the acting. The actors in this movie were kind of hit and miss for me. On one hand, you've got Jason Flemyng and Leslie Hope playing the roles of Henry and the boss' wife perfectly. Jason Flemyng's cold, blank stare when he didn't have the white mask on left me with an uneasy feeling that fit perfectly with the movie's tone. However, on the other hand, you've got Peter Stormare as the boss, Miles. Miles is supposed to be a dick to everyone, but dickish characters in movies are typically not very annoying. That being said, Peter's portrayal of Miles made me want to throw my laptop against the wall. This is one of the worst cases of overacting I've ever seen. Every movement was flailing, every word was shouting, every expression was cartoony! I just absolutely hated it. And that's a shame because Peter Stormare is a pretty solid actor. Whatever.
Primary antagonist portrayed as Satan for one scene? Cliche #6, check!
Now with all the movie's visual details out of the way, let's move onto the music! This movie's soundtrack has the distinct honor of having legendary horror punk band The Misfits on it's tracklist! You might not know this about me, but The Misfits have always been one of my favorite bands. I'm usually not into punk, but there's just something about Misfits that makes me smile. They even make a cameo appearance in this movie and perform Descending Angel, Scream (my personal favorite Misfits song), and Bruiser, which they wrote specifically for this movie!
WE ARE THE FIIIIEEEND CLUUUUUUB!
It's even my favorite Misfits lineup! You can say whatever you want about the fan wars, but I prefer a bit of melody in my music, and that's why I much prefer Michale Graves as the singer over Glenn Danzig. I could go on all day about how Famous Monsters is one of the best punk albums of all time and how I think it would've worked better if they had gotten The Faceless to play since Henry is named "The Faceless Killer" by the media (even though I don't think they were a band in 2000), but I need to stop myself here before I lose control.
"Active from: 2005" Well, there goes that dream...
Now that I'm done complaining, what did I think of the movie? Well, to be honest, I'd say that it was one of the better horror movies I've ever seen. Yeah, I'm surprised too! I loved the plot, even if it was a bit confusing at times, the acting was solid (for the most part, freaking Miles), and there was one scene in particular where Henry is stalking one of his victims through a recreation center at night that legitimately scared me. Overall, I loved this movie. I'd highly recommend it to anyone who's looking for a good story with a scary twist to it. I give it 8 creepy William Shatner masks out of a possible 10.
Just a few dabs of black paint and some dreadlocks away from being King Juggalo.
