Guys, please listen to me. I wanna preface this review by giving everybody out there a message. Drugs are bad, mmmkay? Don't do drugs. Chances are, your experience on drugs will be miles better than this movie, but still, don't do drugs. Just throwin that out there. Tryin to be a good role model and such. Anyway, this is Shrooms, a movie that I'm sure everybody in the stoner community was excited for but very disappointed by.
LIKE, ZOINKS SCOOB! THERE'S SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW!
Alrighty, how on earth do I even begin to talk about this movie? Well, for starters, it's a stoner movie. That much should have been obvious based on the title. How do you make psychedelic mushrooms scary, you ask? Well, for starters, you invent a new type of mushroom specifically for your movie that is (very) loosely based off of the real life "death cap" mushroom, which is fatal when ingested. This movie's death mushroom is basically the same as that except with a black lump on top which exists purely for the idiot cast of this movie to make nipple jokes about.
Don't you understand, Sarah? The ones with the nipples are POISON!
Speaking of the cast of this movie, they're all Irish. Well, not all of them. Only one of them is Irish in the movie, but the entire film was made in Ireland with Irish actors putting on bad fake American accents. The plot of this movie is pretty simple: a bunch of stupid college kids go to a remote section of the woods in Ireland with a local guide, looking for the ultimate mushroom high. In these woods, they encounter a bunch of creepy stuff like backwoods inbreds, a guy with an axe, a feral boy, and a creepy lady in the water. OR DID THEY?! OR WAS IT ALL A HALLUCINATION FROM THE SHROOMS(TM)?!
See the nipples, dude? That means it's poison. Stay away from the nipples.
Okay, so basically these characters who I'm sure had names but I've forgotten all of them, go into the woods and the local guide tells them ghost stories about grizzly murders that happened in this area. This freaks out a few of the college kids and leads into our main villain of this movie: actual incarnations of the monsters and killers from the ghost stories. I'm not even joking.
But here's where things start to get interesting. Alright, are you following me here? I'm about to drop some knowledge on you. Two of the characters are just Jay and Silent Bob, but with different names. MIND BLOWN, RIGHT?! Seriously, one of them is a skinny guy with long blonde hair who never takes off his beanie, and the other is a kinda fat-ish guy with a backwards cap who barely ever talks, that is until his shroom tripping scene, which might I say is THE BEST SCENE IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE.
Let's divulge into a critical analysis of Silent Bob's freakout scene, shall we? So Silent Bob has a freakout on shrooms late at night and he sees a really pretty girl running into the woods. So, being the college horndog that he is, Silent Bob chases her into the woods armed with only his boxer shorts and his quick wit. He follows her for a while before coming across the best character in the whole movie and quite possibly the best character of modern cinema, THE COW. Yessir, Silent Bob finds a cow just chillin' in the middle of the woods. And best of all? THIS COW CAN TALK! Oh, you expected it to just be a regular old cow that does nothing? NO SIR THIS COW IS MAGIC, SON! To quote the talking cow directly, "That's right. A fucking cow that can fucking talk." Silent Bob has a nice discussion with Madame Cowsley (that's what I named her because she didn't have a name in the credits) before finding a car that is shaking. Now, Irish man had told the group before about people who would drive their cars out into the middle of the woods to "get intimate" inside and if you happened to come across this car, you could roll down the window and stick your willy wong in and get a little slurpy slurp if you catch my drift. Now, Silent Bob sees his opportunity to get his tallywhacker polished and he whips it out and sticks it right on in. After a few seconds of niceness, it's all ruined when the woman inside brings teeth into the equation. Silent Bob's trouser snake is bitten clean off and he falls over on the ground dead. Might I also remind you that this is the first death in the movie, so it's an accurate representation of the silliness to come.

Hey bud, you gonna eat that grass? (STONER HUMOR, STONERS, THATS YOUR CUE TO LAUGH)
Okay, with that little detour out of the way, how's the rest of the movie?
Turns out that the one killing all of the kids was just one of their own, on a very good high from the death nipple shroom that caused her to go on a murderous rampage. Yep. Everything spooky in the movie was all the kids hallucinating as that one girl killed them all. She's the only survivor after it's all over so naturally, as she's being airlifted out, she kills the paramedic in the helicopter and slams against the window in a jumpscare because you have to know that she's the killer, don't you?
That's it. That's the movie. It's really really boring besides that cow bit and at their best, the actors are still absolutely unbearable. This movie had a lot of potential because they could have done a lot with the hallucination stuff. You know, made it a lot more psychadelic kind of scary, like introduced the supernatural into it more than they did. The setting was pretty weird as well. It was like a woods setting one second, and then inside of a school, and then in a clear swamp that goes on for miles. This area is just every area in a horror movie ever.
Overall, Shrooms is a movie that tries very hard to please its target audience and I didn't watch this movie stoned, but if I did, I imagine that I'd be just as bored, if not more bored. It's just......not very good. I give this movie 2 death nipple mushrooms out of 10. Just don't waste your time, even if you're high.
Dude, same.